So all summer I've had these strange longings to visit churches, not because I want to leave my awesome church but well... I don't know... just for fun, I guess. Maybe it's sort of like Fight Club's Tyler Durden and Marla Singer and their addiction to support groups, except my "tourism" is with churches.... Or maybe it's not anything like that at all.
Anyway, since I go to my church's late afternoon service (which works well with my occasional sleeping in habits) I have Sunday mornings free to fulfill these notions that seem to grab... only me. But you have to admit that it's nice to get the attention for being the new person at church. Everyone feels the obligation to introduce themselves, shake your hand and try to get you to come back.
Yesterday morning I thought I would visit the cute, little, old church on the corner near my house that runs a weekly food bank for the needy in town... and this church is just so cute, little and old. If I ever get married again someday I think this kind of a church wedding would fit my very nontraditional tastes well - especially with its chipped white paint, a modest spire, charming barely-lit candles, and chromatic carpet of times past.
Also, the pastor's wife likes to stop by my house from time to time and chat and invite me to things, so there was a little obligation to visit there too.
This Baptist-affiliated church was quite different than Mars Hill Church and my two youngest kids and I were somewhat of a spectacle. We fumbled around the well-worn hymnals and sang the wrong verses. Chloe dropped her crayons so we had to crawl under the pews to gather them back up. Brian had to go "potty" and we had to walk right through the middle of the church with all eyes upon us to get to the bathroom. Then we fought yawns during the mumbled scripture reading.
But the sermon was fantastic. I am reminded with these church visits that no matter how it's done, there are people everywhere that love Jesus and that the Bible is preached to some extent in some form or another. It is amazing that we like to quibble at secondary issues or feel that our church is a little closer to God than others. But then it's also nice of God to put up with us and still care for us so deeply.
My attention was caught by a beautiful lady in the front row who resembled the church building in human form, and was probably just as old. She had shiny silver hair pulled back in a loose, curling bun with an antique hair clip. She wore a bright pink, tweed dress-suit that reflected her nodding, supportive smile. Had she faithfully attended that church for many years? Perhaps her whole life? What was her story? I wanted to shake her hand, spend the afternoon talking over tea maybe? but I lost her presence in the crowd when church was over.
On the walk home, we talked about all of the neat things we liked about church and all of the friendly people. Although we might never visit that church again (unless I get married and my groom-to-be doesn't mind), my thoughts will go a little broader as I spy that quaint church on the corner, or hear its steeple bells ringing.
Yay!!!
I just started my second year of the quarry!!
Feels good to be back...
I'm so excited to learn and grow!
I know that this year is going to be filled with alot of laughs and giggles!!
I love my team, they rock!
I'll have to update more later, but I gots to go! :)
Until next time.....
1 Cor. 2:9 "However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
Are you signed up!?!?! I am soooo excited to discuss the following book:
The 5 Love Languages:How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
Roger and I were in hysterics after we took the short quiz in the back because BOTH of us scored 0 on one of the Love Languages. That's a good thing but we didn't know it about each other so after twenty years, another new revelation.
Sign up and show up tomorrow at The Rock Church at 7pm. We're going to have a great time with lots of laughs guaranteed!
I just came home from a week in Ohio. What a good time I had. I met some very special people. I think people come into our lives for a reason. I stayed with Doug's family for the most part, I met his who entire family. I learned about growing up in Ohio. I learned how other people live.
I spent some time with Doug's nephew who has touretts and has ocd, and other disabilites. I spent time with D's Mom, who is older and has sundowners. There was a few times I would go outside and just pray for these people. Okay, and cry.
They made me think about my own life. Does it really matter how many coach purses that I have? I need to not be so materialstic. So what if I have gained 60 pounds, am I happy? Instead of accepting peoples negivitive comments, I need to stick up for myself and NOT accept/recive them. I like me, and its taken me many of years to accept that. I have a excellent relationship with God. I need to be happy for what I have and not be sad for what I dont have.
If they only knew God. I talked about God, and my church, only to get shut down. D has a computer screen that is 42 inches. I figured that I cant get shut down using that huge thing! but at what point do I stop talking about God?
I went up to Amish country. The shop's were pretty neat. The people were very nice. There were amish and mennonites living in the village. I learned about their history, and how God works in their life. I also toured the cemetery, the city of Columbus ( pretty cool ) the hood, the white national socialist hood, which I did not know that stuff was still around. I went up to Clevland.. and down to Kentucky.
I will post more later.
Here I am.
Today was kind of a disappointment. Im not really sure why. It just seemed like I was supposed to be doing some productive or important, but didnt. The day just seemed so empty.
I started off the day by talking to my friends on MSN messenger, which was really cool because they have a webcam. The sound wasnt working, and I dont have a webcam anymore, but it was just really great to type something, and then see their reaction to it. Like I'd write about something we did back in high school, and I'd see her read the line and then her face light up with a big smile. I mean, I havent actually seen A and L in over 2 years, which I didnt realize until like last week. The last time we saw each other was the day my first baby was born/died, back when I lived near VA Beach. We were hanging out that day, I took them back to their house, then later that night and into the next day ended up in the hospital, and my son was born. That was also another close friend's birthday. But I couldn't believe how much time had gone by. I couldnt believe how little we'd talked during all this time. I felt a little ashamed, all I could think was, "life got in the way." If it wasnt for school, I'd head back up to VA Beach to live.
I need to get a webcam.
Speaking of which, I kinda wanted to do a few video blogs, til I realized how much I hate looking at myself and that my camera takes video, but no sound. So I thought audio blogs would be cool. Not for every post, but for those times when typing just wont cut it. Like, I want to post my divorce story to my blog, so I can stop trying to explain all the little bits and pieces of it over and over, but its just too much to sit and type. So I think I might do that. But now I have to buy a new headset/microphone because after moving so many times, I have no idea where the one is that I already have.
Then on Thursday my husband said he'd call Friday so we could talk about some things. Of course he didnt, and still hasnt. But really, what more could I expect of him. I knew he was going to do that, yet its still so disappointing. For as much as Ive prayed and believed God would heal our marriage, Im really starting to think there is no hope for us. I mean, every day that goes by and he's still talking about filing for divorce next week, and seems hellbent on doing it. He's not making any effort to talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. Its getting to the point where he's made me feel like such complete crap, that Im starting not to even care what happens. I see myself becoming so totally apathetic about the whole situation.
I dont know what I doing, Im just rambling now.
I gotta say what's on my mind,
Cause something about us,
Doesn't seem right, these days,
Life keeps getting in the way,
Whenever we try,
Somehow the plan is always rearranged,
It's so hard to say,
But I gotta do what's best for me,
You'll be okay...
Chorus:
I've gotta move on and be who I am,
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand,
We might find our place in this world someday,
But atleast for now...
I gotta go my own way.
Don't wanna leave it all behind,
But I get my hopes up,
And I watch them fall every time,
Another colour turns to grey,
And it's just to hard to watch it all,
Slowly fade away,
I'm leaving today,
Cause I gotta do what's best for me,
You'll be okay...
Chorus:
I've gotta move on and be who I am,
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand,
We might find our place in this world someday,
But atleast for now,
I gotta go my own way.
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?
(What about trust?)
You know I never wanted to hurt you.
(What about me?)
What am I supposed to do?
(I gotta leave but I'll miss you...)
I've gotta move on and be who I am,
(Why do you have to go?)
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand,
(I'm trying to understand.)
We might find a place in this world someday,
But atleast for now,
(I want you to stay.)
I gotta go my own way.
I've gotta move on and be who I am,
(What about us?)
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand,
(I'm trying to understand.)
We might find a place in this world someday,
But atleast for now,
I gotta go my own way.
I gotta go my own way,
I gotta go my own way.
Most people call me "Meg." It's short for "Megan", and I began insisting upon it's ussage in middle school. My pastor calls me Megster. My Uncle calls me Meege (Pronounced Meej) My grandma calls me Maggie. My nicknames are almost as numerous as the changes I've been through in my life. Ya...a lot of people have been through more than I have, and done dumber things, but that doesn't make my stuff hurt less, or make me feel less dumb. I had a pretty good Mom, but I'm still believing God for her salvation, and I am so blessed that so many other women have taken that role in shaping me into the woman of God that I am...Nothing extrodinary, nothing to be exceptionally proud of, but a woman of God none the less...an alive woman of God....a woman of God who walked away and rebelled, but whom was drawn home in the end, and is hopefull of making it. Hope is important. Faith is important. And I would have niether right now, ironicly, if it hadn't been for the women I love.
Melinda Knight- Before I knew her name, I was touched by her passion for praise, and singing to Jesus. I was an akward 9th grader...didn't like myself too much. When my bi-polar sister moved in with us, for two years, singing to Jesus got me through it. It didn't make it easy. But I knew that when I lifted my voice in praise and worship, all by myself, in my room, God would meet me there, and there was freedom. And I didn't stop. Not even when my sister told me I sounded like a suffering, dying baboon, or would tell me to "quit yelling up there!" With everything in my life, It seems like I've been a slow learner. But I learned quickly that being able to sing to Jesus when it feels like your trapped, is a lifesaver. I hope this doesn't sound stupid- I know I have a tendincy to be that way, but when I was living with my boyfreind, and I felt so far from everything I knew, when I longed to have a reason to like myself again, when I longed to serve Jesus, and have a purpouse again...I would sing. When I could do nothing else. In the shower. The only place I felt free to do so..Recently I have realized that in the midst of the hurt, there was a gift this most precious of women handed to me, this key, to my survival, the one thing that I never let go of, the gift of worship...Not just the singing, the reason for the singing, and that even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket, Jesus wants to hear it. I learned from her this strategy for making it. I realize that in that shower, in the midst of the heartache and struggle, and not feeling like I could come home, I was praising Jesus ahead of time. I didn't know it then. But Jesus would do a miracle. Jesus would give me the strenth to come home, to leave Erik, to heal. And when I missed her, I knew that somewhere not so far away, she was singing to the same Jesus, and I coudln't see her face, but he could.
Leslie Love- Leslie led me to the Lord for the first time when I was thirteen. I think she had a lot to do with placing the tenderness and compassion inside of me. She was an EA with the special needs students, and helped me realize my love for...well...loveing, caring, nurturing. Leslie is the nurturer. She coudln't even ever scold a student for their language without gently cupping their face with her hands, everything she did was done with gentleness, that's why I loved her so much. She had this gentleness that I wans't accustomed to. It's been ten years, she's been there since the beginning, seen it all, heard it all, loved through it all. I love you M.O.M.H
Kathy Warren- She survived. She made it. She survived to make me proud to be a woman, and inspired to be a survivor. And she didn't quit loveing me no matter how rotten I was...She hugged me, slime and all. Her tough love concerning some of my behaviors really pissed me off at first...but the behavior stopped. She wasn't concerned with my happiness, but with my integrity, and was willing to make me un-happy if it meant waking me up. I love you Kathy.
Michele Cotterill- Another survivor. I realized, last sunday, as Jesus was lifting the burdens off my shoulder, The lesson God wanted to teach me through her, so many puzzle pieces came together in that moment. I realized that the hurt I'd been discerning in her, was indeed discernment and not imagination. You wouldn't have known it by just talking to her. She never said a word to me, her freind, who dispite her previously calm, introverted, even timid reputation, would make human pinyata's out of anyone who might cause her to shed a tear, she never once vented to her freinds, but instead preached a message of love and forgiveness, through her writing and in our conversations ...it was in that moment, my Michele that I stood in awe of you, and vowed for the rest of my life, I would emulate this great gift of grace...I knew immietly that you didn't tell me, because you wanted to protect me, You did not want my opinions to be shaped by your hurt. You thought of others first. You set your hurt aside, and even through your grief, put others first. You trusted, respected, and yeilded, and you kept your mouth shut. Even when I asked you if I was nutty to feel all of thse things, if it was really God revealing this to me, or me just making it up in my head. Even then, you told me I was not nuts, but that you couldn't talk about it. Thankyou for showing me that in the event of a hurt, weather valid or not, our freinds do not need to hear about it.
So here's to the women that I love....My moms. thanks to your prayers, and not giving up on me...Filthy little wretch that I can be at times... I've found myself in this place of repentence at the foot of the cross again...And because of you, I have donned my first pair of Steve Madden heels, as a salute to being a woman...I vowed I would never wear them. I vowed I would never be uppity enough to put a napkin in my lap, or too lady like not to rip the occasional fart on purpouse for ammusement...However I've decided to give these things a try, in hopes that someday, when I'm standing on the other end looking back at my life, I'll see that it wasn't just my feet that looked like you, but the way I walked with those feet.
Where's your favorite place to have Sunday brunch?
Well, I dont know about brunch, but my favorite place to be on Sunday morning/afternoon is Caribou Coffee. Im there right now! I love this place. And usually, at some point while Im here, my friends will randomly show up, so thats always fun too. Even when they dont show, I just like being here. :)
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